we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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