Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
