so that wasnt chicken after all
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
