Sorry, I don't speak sober.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
