Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I have peed in a lot of sinks
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
