yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
