He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Do vagina's smell?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
