I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
