the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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