your thong is hanging out like whoa
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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