Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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