My room smells like vodka and shame
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
