what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
