A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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