I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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