i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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