What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize