Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
