Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
