1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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