So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
