so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It's shark week go big or go home
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
