Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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