Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
3pm strippers are depressing
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
