I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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