Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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