I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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