I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
