I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
