She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
