He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
