she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
