dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
