Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
