The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
