She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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