i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
