if i can run in heels then i can drive
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
