Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
