take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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