I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize