I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
