I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
