Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
