Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
