I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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