Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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