I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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