were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize