what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
