I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
