We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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