: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize