my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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