...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
