Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
