just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
worst night to have a conscience
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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