Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
