Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
