He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
