Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
