a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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