Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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