Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
