Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize