The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
