i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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