I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
