i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
