Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
