Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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