I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize