I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Randomize
