Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
