I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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