I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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