Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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