just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
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