i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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