i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
