Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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