I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
