Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
