It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
