She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
