I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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