wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
