the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
