Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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