All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We left the knife in your bed.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
