HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
