I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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