Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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