So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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