she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
