I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
