The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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